A scare in the night

It was after midnight. The room was dark and quiet except for the hum of the air conditioner. The bedroom door is closed to keep the cool air in and the warm air out.

A screeching sound breaks the silence. It's the sound of a bedroom door opening and moments later, closing It's a miracle I even hear it. My hubby doesn't even twitch. I lay there listening but don't hear any footsteps. Odd that I even heard the door open.

Whenever I hear a door open I listen intently for the padding of little feet. Most of the time they head to and from the bathroom at the other end of the hall. Occasionally they'll make their way to our bedroom next door. Then I'm needed to soothe bad dreams or upset tummies.

This time, nothing. Silence. Then I hear the door open once again. No bathroom sounds. Weird. The door doesn't click closed.

I always get up to check on the kids after I've heard one of them up at night. It's just my thing. I always like to make sure everything is alright.

Once, I checked in on Goalieboy after a bathroom visit and found him in bed sobbing quietly. He didn't want to wake me up after having a nightmare. He thought daddy would get angry if he was awoken. I laid in bed with him, gently rubbing his back. We made up stories to chase the nightmares away. Eventually I had him laughing and all was well.

I quietly climbed out of bed, so as not to disturb the slumbering bear who had to be awake for work in three hours. I opened the bedroom door and what did I see? Goalieboy standing in his doorway. He looked confused, a bit baffled. He mumbled something I couldn't understand. He looked down and that's when I saw what was in his hands. He was carrying his sneakers in one hand and a baseball hat in the other. I was in shock. I was grateful I had opened the bedroom door to check on him. I took the shoes and hat from his hands and put them away. Then, I carefully manuevered him into bed, pulled the covers over him and kissed him goodnight before quietly leaving the room.

To most, this incident would seem funny. I know I would've wanted to laugh. Problem is, Goalieboy occasionally sleep walks. It's rare and he's never done anything dangerous. This time he scared me to death. All I could think of is what if I hadn't heard him? What if he had gone downstairs and out the door?

It could happen. I use to talk in my sleep, as he does. A few times my parents recall me wandering around our house asleep. The scariest part for me is my mom use to sleep walk. Hers was full blown. She would actually leave the house in the middle of the night as a young girl. She told stories where she had crossed busy streets. The thought of this terrifies me. I'm grateful it hasn't come to that yet. I will now sleep even lighter at night. I'm already very aware because he has nightmares and even night terrors on occasion.

I asked him about it this morning and he remembers nothing. He thought it was funny. He even asked which hat he grabbed. I didn't want to worry him so we joked about it.

Tonight, I won't be sleeping well. Our bedroom door will be partway open. I'm more than willing to let the cool air out so I can hear him. It's going to be a long night. Praying for no repeats.

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In the beginning

I've had several people ask me how we found out Goalieboy had a hearing impairment.  This post will be dedicated to sharing how we found out.  There's a lot of twists and turns to our saga so I will share those in later posts.
In the beginning...Goalieboy was a cheerful, happy baby.  The first few months were rough as we found a routine that worked for us but it wasn't long before he was sleeping 4-6 hours a night and napping 3 hours at a time during the day. He had this belly laugh that was contagious.  I really miss that boisterous laugh.  We would bring him into restaurants and he would either sleep through our meal or smile and coo at everyone.  We constantly got compliments on how sweet and adorable he was. He had the best dispositon.
He was babbling like most babies and said his first word just a little later than the "average" child.  He could get across his needs/wants with a simple word or two.  I noticed he was a little behind in speech around 2 1/2-3.  There were words he would say that only myself or my mom would understand.  I didn't notice it as being a problem right away because I was a working mom and we didn't have the time to socialize with other kids.  Sad, but true.  We also moved a few times when he was younger so we didn't know many of our neighbors.  I would occasionally compare his progress to my friend's daughter who was 2 months older.  She was the only child we knew around his age. 
We put him into preschool when he was 3.  We felt he really needed the socialization and since his sister was born the year before he wasn't as happy go lucky as he'd previously been.  We knew he needed to learn how to interact with other kids and get along.  Overall, the first few months of preschool went well.  He made friends and seemed to get along with the other kids.
In January, his school does a mid-year evaluation with parents/caregivers.  He was progressing well but the teacher did notice some problems.  While he got a long with the other children there were definitely some communication issues.  Sometimes he wouldn't understand them or they wouldn't understand him.  He would get frustrated and grab what he wanted or get upset.  She told me she felt he was having issues with his hearing.  She believed also that he was reading her lips when he was having trouble hearing.  She said that she noticed if she was too far away when she was speaking to him his  eyes would focus on her lips.  She got in the habit of kneeling down in front of him and making sure he could see her face.  She said there were times when he seemed uncooperative but it was actually because he couldn't hear the instructions or see their mouths to determine what was being said.  I had believed there was a problem deep down and this was confirmation that I was right.  I had approached my husband with my feelings and he believed everything was fine.  So, I kept watching, hoping I was wrong since this was my first child.  I've since learned...mother's intuition should always be followed up on because it's right more times than not.
Looking back I'm upset and frustrated that more help wasn't offered or guidance given.  I also don't understand why I wasn't told until January.Seriously, I believe I should have been spoken with by mid-November at the latest with their beliefs.  I do believe they are good teachers and really helped him to cope.  He did grow and thrive during his 2 years there.  However, why wasn't it suggested that I seek early intervention?  I understand that they might have been leery offering this advice as some parents are not open to it.  But, I believe, it's their job to be candid and help guide parents.  I knew nothing.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would've gotten him early intervention.  He could have had speech therapy earlier.  He often drops the "s" on plural words and also word endings, such as "ing", "ed", etc.  He will say home instead of house. The school is providing speech and (some) reading help but it's not quality.  I wish we could afford help outside the school.
I find it deplorable that parents have to fight for the educational system to help their child.  I find it unacceptable that teachers can get in trouble for helping steer parents in the right direction.  I have been told on several occassions by teachers that they could get in trouble if the administration found out what they were telling me.  I am so thankful that they risked their jobs to help us.
This is the beginning of Goalieboy's journey and how his hearing impairment was discovered.  It is only the first step in many of our ongoing battle. 
Next journey post will be about his kindergarten screening, speech, finding an ENT and his first tube surgery.

Jealousy

One of the hard emotions Goalie Boy had to deal with this week is jealousy.  He is having a hard time with it at home.
This week was Little Bee's 7th birthday.  I talked to him about it before hand and reminded him that he would have his own special day at the end of next month.  He has been battling jealous/envy off and on.  Sometimes everything is fine, no issues.  Other times it's overwhelming and unbearable.  He told me he understood and seemed excited to help her celebrate.  He even filled out a special card for her.
Too bad it didn't last.  He didn't quite seem to grasp the concept even though we reminded him several times that it was her birthday and her presents.  We even got him a little present that he enjoyed playing with.
When she opened her first present he wanted to help.  She wanted to do it herself.  What 7 year old wouldn't?  When she unwrapped the jewelry kit full of beads he wanted to open up the packaging and start making things with it.  We had to tell him to stop.  The next present was a messenger bad that she could color.  He wanted to color it with her.  Again, we had to remind him that it was hers and she didn't need or want any help.  I felt bad for him.  He doesn't necessarily need to be the center of attention but he doesn't want anyone else to be it either.  We tried to refocus and redirect him. We were very patient. 
He got upset when Little Bee said she wanted spaghetti for her Birthday dinner.  He doesn't like spaghetti.  I understand that but it's her birthday dinner and she loves it.  She didn't pick it to be spiteful.  He whined and cried the whole time I was making and serving it.  I told him he had to eat some of it.  I would've make him a sandwich afterwards if necessary.  He ended up eating it and even said he liked the way I made it that time.  Go figure. 
We didn't let his overall belligerent attitude ruin the night.  It wasn't fair to Little Bee.  After dinner, she got her "surprise" gift.  A walking puppy.  He was all over that.  He was so upset that he didn't get one.  We couldn't get him to comprehend that it was her special day and he had one of his very own coming up really soon.  While we were helping Little Bee get her doggy out of the box he huffed into the living room in a pout.  When we were done he came back in and threw himself into a chair at the kitchen table.  My husband was done with having to deal with the mood swings.  Goalie Boy was upset and mad because we got the toy out of the box and not him.  He was angry because Little Bee didn't let him help.  He often forgets that we are the parents and he is the child.  My husband sent him up to his room.  We were at the breaking point and his attitude took the shine of the day for Little Bee.
We made him stay up there for 15 minutes while we went outside with Little Bee and her doggy.  He said he was sorry and within minutes they were playing great together.  I ache for his mood swings.  I wish I knew how to help him.  We try to remind him of expectations and keep the rules strict so he knows the line. Even while I'm getting upset and frustrated, my heart breaks for him.  I wish he could see what we see, maybe then he could understand.
This weeks been full of these emotional battles but to a lesser degree.  I know some of it is due to the school year slowly coming to a close and the heat.  We'll keep working on it. 
One day at a time

Choices, choices...What will it be?

As some of you know, Goalie Boy is an avid hockey player. He lives it, he breathes it. No lie. He could do without almost anything but having the ability to play hockey.  He is an exceptional goalie.  His hearing impairment and poor eyesight don't stand in his way.  It is the one place he focuses 100%.  It's amazing.  It's like he's a different child when he's on the ice. Do you have a child like this?
Early last month we received news that the doors to our local rink were closing. We put off tellling my son for almost a week. We had to work out the right way to tell him. We knew the news would be devastating. We didn't want him to internalize his feelings and become upset and withdrawn.  I fear that with him.
There is only one rink in our county. The closest ones are an hour away. We wanted to do a bit of research to ease his mind. We are financially strapped but this is the one thing we agreed we wouldn't give up.  If you were in this position, is there something you would find away to pay no matter what?  This is our one thing. 
When we told him we were point blank about it. Honey, the rink's closing next month. The great news is you can still play hockey we're just going to have to drive further. How would you like to check out these rinks? I can not express how lucky we are that as much as it hurt for him to hear the rink was closing, the part he heard most is, "you can still play".
We researched rinks and decided to try one that was almost a straight shot down the highway. We did the drive in about 55 minutes. Figured it was the rink of choice because it would be easiest to drive in wintertime.
Overall we liked the rink. Our main problem was lack of communication. The hockey director wasn't there and no one had a clue on when he'd be in or any details about their in-house league. They weren't helpful. We found out the rink is a hub for travel teams and we're holding off another year on that. Getting info was like pulling teeth.  We also did open skating there and I have to say I was disappointed that the skate guard spent more time chatting up the girls at the snack bar than on the actual ice.
Goalie Boy liked it so we decided that we were good to go. Overall, the pros outweighed the con.  However, yesterday we took a drive a little over an hour in the opposite direction to check out another rink. Part of it was highway but most of it was main, windy back roads. Does that even make sense?
We decided to check it out for a few reasons:

1. One of Goalie Boy's teammates was signed up to play travel there for next season.
2. Some of my daughter's friends are skating there.
3. We heard 3 of the skating coaches went there.

We weren't even halfway there when hubby was going to turn around,  I said, let's go.  It's a nice day for a drive.
Let me just say the drive was worth it!  The rink it bright and spacious.  They just invested in a remodel so it won't be closing anytime soon.  We ran into my daughter's old skating coaches and one of her friends.  It was like fate.  The upstairs has huge floor to ceiling windows on both sides so you can see each rink.  They have a play area up there for the kids.  There's a snack bar with good food upstairs and down.  It's clean and has a HUGE bathroom.  I thought I was in rink heaven, if there's such a place.
My daughter, after seeing it, wants to skate there.  We figured, she'll skate just about anywhere, but she didn't say a word about it when we went to the first rink.  My son is still set on the other rink, even though this one is way nicer and the staff is so friendly and helpful. 
See, once he makes up his mind about something, he's stubborn.  He has heard the first rink has openings for goalies so that's where he is determined to go.  We told him that no matter what he will be have a spot and he will be playing goalie.  No worries.  We are emailing the director of the second rink because he was at a tournament yesterday, so we couldn't speak to him.  My son is upset we're now considering the second rink.
I don't know what we're going to do.  I really don't like the drive to the second rink but it feels brighter and more like family.  That's what kind of rink we lost and that's what kind of rink we want.  I guess, once we hear back on in-house and travel details we'll compare the two rinks and decide.  We need to figure out the cost, how many practices a week and the days and times.
I really wish there was one closer but it is what it is.  If we do go with the second rink I hope my son can embrace it.  He's stubborn, that one. 

He gets it from his dad (ummm, and his mom).

Pros:  Bright, cheerful, helpful, great staff, skating coaches we know, rinks are warmed (no frozen tushes & toes), friends we know
Cons: Long drive, back roads.
Unknown: Cost, days

Where there's T-R-O-U-B-L-E he'll f ind it

So, I've gotten 3, yes 3, calls from the school this week.  Monday was a holiday but I got calls...Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  I'm hoping we can end the record there and I won't receive another at some point today.  Tuesday's and Thursday's calls were regarding Goalie Boy.  Wednesday was a call from the nurse to pick up Little Bee.  She had a tummy ache because of all the heat.  Those are the kind of calls I got the first 3 years Goalie Boy was in school.  It was he had a fever, tummy ache or his ears hurt.  Sometimes I went and picked him up, sometimes the nurse said she thought everything was really fine and back to class he would go.
But not this year.  This year I have received calls concerning these things:
Bullying
Bombing
Hand gestures
Sportsmanship/Not Listening

Don't freak out!  The first two were not like they sound and everything with those two calls actually went fine.  Ugh!  I wish the last two calls I hadn't received.  Sigh.  Granted, there are worse things a parent can be called about but still, this is becoming a bad habit.  My husband feels he is starting to make a name for himself and not in a good way.  It's not that he's a bad kid he's just persistent, stubborn, structured and like to push the boundaries.  These will all be good attributes when he's older and knows how to use them for good instead of evil. 

The bullying phone call was just to let me know of an incident that happened after a Student Government meeting at the beginning of the year.  They were talking about elections and my son told a classmate he was going to "beat her".  It was nothing except to say he was going to win.  It wasn't right what he said.  However, the girl went home and mentioned it to her mom.  The mom (who is my neighbor from hell and we don't speak anymore) made a HUGE fuss over it calling him a bully.  She posted it all over Facebook (without coming out and naming him).  She told some of our mutual friends that their children should stay away from him because he's a bad influence.  And she called the principal and made a huge stink.  We figured out later that she had her daughter bad mouthing the other candidate behind her back.  So, the vice principal took them both into his office and they hashed it out.  I was upset because I wasn't notified before hand.  I had a meeting with him the next day.  Everything was fine and he came right out and said it was a misunderstanding, blown out of proportion.  Goalie Boy was spoken to about diplomacy and using the right words.  I still laugh though that he was not allowed to tell me who the other child was that was involved.  I'm glad I already knew.  I think it's only fair to know who the accuser is, especially if they hadn't brought them face to face.
The "bomb threat".  I got a call first from the assistant principal on this one.  My phone had glitched up and somehow I missed the call and never got a voicemail.  My husband's phone was on the fritz (Verizon issue) too and he didn't get his voicemail until 5pm.  All the message said was that my son had said some disturbing things in school and he needed to talk with us.  Fast forward to me trying to track one of the 2 principals down the whole next day.  My husband and I were freaking out and my son had no idea what it was about.  Finally at 2:50 the principal called and told me the situation.  Goalie Boy and 3 friends devised a spy game.  One of their plots was to blow up the school. Someone over heard them talking about it.  Obviously, not literally but since 9/11 everyone has to be cautious about what is said.  Even when it's third grade boys, which I understand.  They were spoken to about the seriousness of it.  The point was made too that the principal did understand that they were playing.  I find it said that kids can't even play "normally" like we use to for fear of it being taken the wrong way.  I miss innocence.
The finger gesture issue happened on the field trip last Thursday, right before break (the kids had off Friday through Monday).  A chaperon saw my son repeatedly pointing his middle finger up and gesturing with it.  Definitely not right for him to do.  I have a few problems however with how the chaperon handled it, even though I know they're not a school employee.  First, address it as soon as you see it and tell him to stop.  Second, I know this parent.  Granted, not well but we've met up with friends several times.  I talk to his wife.  She has my number.  Why get the school involved?  Yes, I understand it was during school time but it wasn't like he was bullying another kid.  Also, if it had been addressed immediately, I know it wouldn't have happened again.  My son never said a word to me about it and I'm disappointed in him.  I do know that the parent did at switch seats and sit next to him but I guess that was after the fact.  Maybe it's because this parent is also a Middle School teacher.  I don't know.  The conversation with the assistant principal went well.  It contained words like boys will be boys and such.   I guess the biggest issue was the repeated use of it.  My husband and I don't flip the bird.  However, my father does when he's in the car and gets angry at another driver.  A conversation is coming his way soon.  I also discussed with him the fact that sometimes my son does use the middle finger to point.  It was something that he did consistently up until last year.  However, we have spoken to him about the fact that it's inappropriate and rude.  His punishment was to write a note to the chaperon and the teachers on the bus apologizing for his actions.  I thought that was fair and appropriate.
Yesterday's phone call came from the gym teacher.  I'm grateful she called and handled it rather than passing it upwards.  It's my understanding that she had to address the class twice about sportsmanship.  I guess the winners (kickball) were bragging that they beat the losing team and the losing team was disagreeing because they only played half a game.  The battle raged on as only 8 and 9 year old can make it. Goalie Boy brought it up again how they didn't lose because it wasn't a full game.  It's the old three strikes you're out routine.  She pulled him aside and spoke with him about it.  Then she told him his punishment was that he was not allowed to play kickball at recess.  He could play anything else except that.  More than fair I think.  However, when recess came he tried to play.  He insisted to his para he could play because the gym teacher wasn't there (she sometimes has recess duty with them) and it was only when she was there.  He badgered the poor woman with his insistence until another para became involved and told him to stop.  It was brought to the gym teacher's attention.  So, his revised punishment was a call home to mom and no kickball the next day (today) during recess.  Again, more than fair.  I spoke with him about it and supported the teacher.  He insists he didn't hear her tell them to stop the first two times because he was out of hearing range. He doesn't wear his aid for gym or recess. I told him it still wasn't acceptable for two reasons.  First, he knows the rules of sportsmanship since he plays hockey.  We've talked about being a humble winner and a gracious loser.  He knows better.  We had the talk in detail.  Secondly, we've taught him that he needs to be able to speak up and advocate for himself.  If something is being said and he can't hear it then he needs to let it be known.  I'm sure it was obvious that she was saying something important when all the kids around him became quiet.  It was his job to raise his hand and let her know he hadn't heard what she said.  Our biggest fear is him using his hearing impairment for a crutch. My punishment was for him to write the para a note apologizing for being so insistent and not respecting her.
Do your children get calls or notes sent home from school?  Have you ever gotten more than one in a week?  Please share your struggles and let me know I'm not alone in this.  It can be frustrating.  I know he's a well meaning kid but his stubbornness and persistence get him into trouble.  Also, there are many times he doesn't think before he speaks or acts.  If he would just take a moment so many things could be avoided.  I know these weaknesses now can be major strengths in his future.  Hmmmm....maybe he'll become a lawyer.  Too bad he doesn't like school!

My son's Journey as a Hearing Impaired Child

My son (AKA Goalie Boy)  is 8 years old...9 at the end of July.  He has gone through a lot in his few short years.  Nothing overly traumatic mentally, emotionally or physically but enough.  Much of what he deals with on a daily basis is invisible to the naked eye.  Because of this he falls through the educational cracks.  Learning does not come easy for him yet it is not impossible.  He is on grade level or just below so he just gets shuffled through.  I'm thankful his issues are not major and I know how hard it is for children and their parents that do struggle with that.  It does break my heart though that he is passed over because he is not a "worse" case.  It's like they are herding him along and it's not their fault if he struggles.
See, Goalie Boy is hearing impaired. He also has tinnitus in both ears.  His audiologist believes he has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) but it can not be proven because of his hearing impairment.  He also has focusing and anxiety issues.  He has had 3 ear tube surgeries (2 to put tubes in, 1 to remove them).  He currently has a loaner hearing aid and we are getting 2 new ones in the next few weeks (can't wait to post more on that later!). Without more "labels" and testing the school will only help him so much.  It's a shame.  On his IEP it is noted that he is a distraction to himself and others.  It states that he has trouble focusing.  It says that he is a sweet boy and wants to learn.  HELLO....it's all in black and white but they won't provide him with counseling or a 2 on 1 para to keep him on track.  They even state...he's eager to please and wants to learn.  So help him!!!  He internalizes many of his feelings and his frustrations don't come out until he's at home.  He's either temperamental or argumentative or he'll have nightmares/night terrors.  I guess if he had his emotional outbursts/breakdowns at school they would help him.  I agree, he's not bad.  He's getting by.  However, with the right support and guidance he wouldn't just be "getting by".  He would be shining to his potential and soaring with confidence.  Don't we want that for all children?!  Shouldn't they all be given the tools they need to help them achieve just that?  It's so sad.
I am creating this blog to track his journey.  I want to share his struggles and his triumphs.  I will post about the background on his story.  You will learn about his past, present and our hopes for the future.  I hope you'll come along with me for the ride.  I hope this will reach others who are struggling to learn what works and doesn't work for their child.  I have learned a lot about the twisting, winding road of the educational system and am still learning.  I will share my knowledge, my frustrations and triumphs. 
Please share with me any advice, insight, support or questions you may have.  As parents, siblings, friends and other family members...we're all in this together.